Finn's Semi-Vacation

I feel bad I haven't posted in forever, but truth be told, nothing much is happening. I started my seasonal job at UPS last Monday (it's pretty much awesome, by the way) and riding is pretty much out on the weekdays until that wraps up right after Christmas.

Last week, I made it out to feed him his grain a couple times during the week. This week, I got out there Wednesday, and I expect I won't go again until Saturday. The plus side of this is it means I'm working a decent number of hours per day, and thus earning much needed cash. The OTHER plus side of this is it means Finn is super excited to see me when I do get down there! It helps that the bottom pasture is closed off... that always gets him more enthusiastic about my arrival.

I expect our rides on the weekends to be low pressure and fun. Mostly, we're just chilling. And thinking. I'm doing a lot of thinking. But the truth is, there's really nothing new to be thought. I know what I need to do with my horse and for myself. Now I just need to do it.

Except one thing: I am contemplating giving regular lessons a try. There's an instructor in the area I think I just might get along with. I am hesitant, but I could really use eyes on the ground sometimes. I could really use someone to hold me more accountable for my riding. So, I'm considering it.

And I'm really torn about the saddle situation. I didn't like the new Thorowgood T8, which means I'd really like to get my hands on one of the older ones before they're all sold. Since they won't be manufactured anymore, there is a very real possibility I won't be able to find one if I don't get one soon. My budget is looking kinda sketchy though, so I'm not sure I can justify it. I've put my Ansur up for sale in a few places hoping to help things along, but I'm not terribly optimistic.

So, that's pretty much it. Boring, I know.

Feel and Timing

As predicted, things are returning to normal between Finn and I. He's been coming up to me in the pasture like usual, and today I turned him loose most of the way across the bottom pasture from Fiver and he showed no need to bolt away from me. In fact, he was still grazing happily where I left him as I pulled out the driveway. That's what I like to see.

I rode him today and yesterday... not unexpectedly, it feels a little like starting over again after his week of semi-vacation. I've been riding out from my car parked at the lower gate and the stretch of driveway that passed behind the upper gate and shelters is providing its usual challenge. Finn is convinced monsters hide there.

Yesterday, I confess I let myself get a little flustered and frustrated, but we eventually achieved some measure of understanding. I made the goal simple: take me to the next "safe-spot" (ie - the space where I park my car when I park near the upper gate) so I can dismount. We did quite a bit of trotting through the scary, squeezy part, and I allowed Finn to show me some rather impressive movement. A few times, he got very suspended and powerful in his trot, and boy is that a feeling! Although it's not coming from a relaxed state right now, I am reluctant to shut it down at this stage. In fact, I want him to feel he can offer that amount of energy and freedom while I'm on his back. I am sure going to want it later! This little horse is going to have an extended trot to die for one day.

Today, I planned to by-pass that confidence issue by leading him to the arena for a ride. I wanted to do a little work on the D,N exercises, because I am eager to keep making progress on that front. But somehow that ended up NOT being what we did. For whatever reason I was compelled to repeat yesterday's goal instead... take me to the "safe-spot" calmly so I can dismount and we can be done.

I'm glad I did, because I actually had an excellent ride. One of the things that was really getting to me yesterday was my failure to feel like I consistently get the HQ/FQ turns right. While I can generally get the HQ and then the shoulders to yield, I knew the footwork wasn't accurate, and I can't consistently cause Finn to step his forehand smoothly across. He is generally either lagging or leaping.

Yesterday I was squarely in a state of conscious incompetence... I felt like Finn was getting more dull to my rein and leg, but I knew that it was because my timing wasn't right and my feel wasn't accurate enough. I was asking him at times he was unable to comply, and not feeling his feet well enough to even know how close or far we were from getting it right. That's what really started frustrating me. But today I was able to keep the frustration at bay and simply practice... brushing it off when we totally missed.

That was a big improvement for sure. And I was able to feel for the hind feet moving under him as he yielded his HQ, and at least attempt to ask the FH to come through when it was able to. I'm aiming to ask when the outside hind lands, and I'm releasing for even small efforts if the inside front attempts to reach promptly when I ask.

This stuff is SO not easy. Trying to feel what the feet are actually doing has frustrated me endlessly for the last several years... frustrated me to the point that I usually just abandon it and continue on in ignorance. I want to be done with that pattern. There is, after all, only one way to get better, and that is to endure the frustration and commit to the long process of practicing until I get it.

I do so want to actually feel those feet under me, to be able to direct them with good timing and feel as though they are my own. I've got a lot of work to do.

Onward and Upward

Today Finn walked up to me in the pasture from about 100 feet away. I'll take that as progress. I really don't imagine it'll take us too long to get back to normal... horses are so much quicker to move on than we are. The emotional charge is starting to ebb from my thoughts, as I knew it would in time. Onwards and upwards.

I set Finn the very simple goal of not pulling his lead rope through the crook of my elbow as I led him to the gate. Except for two small lapses, he was 100% successful. Aside from giving him his supplements, I decided to start teaching him to place a hind foot in his feed pan. I figured this would be a simple and clear thing we could talk about that shouldn't be too challenging for him, a recipe for success.

I was actually surprised because the first two times I simply lined him up, backed him up, and he stepped in the pan. Easy-peasy. I gave him a small piece of carrot each time. And then he decided he might ought to be concerned.

It took some time to get the third good try. What worked turned out to be convincing Finn that he could, in fact, yield his hindquarters to the other side of the feed pan while keeping his front end still, which meant he was moving the pan under his belly during the yield.

He was initially convinced that this was an impossible feat. Then he made a few sloppy efforts which resulted in him haphazardly stepping in the pan, occasionally dragging it or flipping it around. This put him off at first, and then I think he made the critical mental leap of realizing the moving pan was not actually a threat to his safety. After that he yielded across the pan thoughtfully and accurately, not stepping in or on it at all.

And THEN... I was able to just line him up and back his hind foot into the pan again. Easy-peasy. I delivered another carrot, and we left it at that.

Because I was running short on time, I didn't take him as close to Fiver as I otherwise would have to turn him loose again. When I released him he walked about 20 feet, than bolted off in Fiver's general direction. I hate that feeling, I really do, but today I was able to just write it off as a pattern he has unfortunately developed. It doesn't mean he hates me or can't wait to get away from me... it just is what it is. And we'll fix it, I have no doubt.

So things are looking up with us. I really did know this little hiccup would pass. This doesn't necessarily determine for sure that he is indeed the horse for me, forever... but my patience and good humor for his quirks is restored and we can move on.

Reset

It has definitely been too long (two weeks!) since my last update. One big and exciting thing happened, which is Finn and I had our first conversation about finding the sweet spot somewhat by mistake! Once I realized what I had done, we were able to recreate it a few times. This had definitely encouraged me to be a little less "rigid" as I continue through the D,N material. Sometimes I am way too good at holding myself back!

One bittersweet thing happened... I sent the Thorowgood Jump saddle I was trying back to SmartPak and ordered the new version from Hastilow. It may take up to 10 weeks for the new saddle to arrive. Although I was sad to pack the saddle up and send it away, I really want to give the updated version a try before making a final decision. I am hoping it feels even better than the one I had!

One fascinating thing happened... S was super curious about Finn and the tarp, so she came out and played with him and it for several hours one day last week. One thing is for certain: it is not just me! Of course, I was pretty sure it wasn't just me, but I suppose you never know. Finn definitely wasn't about to give up his reservations about the tarp just because someone else suggested it to him.

And then a few sucky things happened... while watching S play with Finn and the tarp, I kinda alternated between being disheartened and encouraged. While new ideas were discussed (and some of them tried right then and there) and I was afterwards re-inspired to pursue them, over the next few, really quite low-pressure days, Finn became progressively more spooky, more tense and less willing or eager to meet me in the pasture. I gave up on my whole idea of spending 7 days having the tarp around even when we weren't actively discussing it. And then I suppose I just used up my very last drops of patience because, even without the tarp factoring in, I couldn't even bring Finn over to my car for some grain in a relaxed and calm manner.

I drove home in tears wondering if I should just give up. Either on Finn, or on horsemanship as a whole. To be honest, I have not entirely dropped the thought of selling Finn yet. In my mind, there is a very real possibility there might be someone out there better suited to him. Maybe someone he would just "click" with and trust right off the bat. Stranger things have happened.

Regardless, I knew the next step would have to be a break until I recovered some patience and desire to interact with him. I skipped the barn entirely one day, then went down just to feed him the next. When he saw me, he galloped to the farthest corner of the field and I didn't have what it takes to go after him, so I just dumped his feed out and went home. The next day (today), I actually caught him up and fed him. So at least now we've put one new positive experience on top of the bad stuff.

Many thoughts, questions and emotions have come up over the last several days and I only want to share those I think are the most important. First, I feel it is apparent that Finn needs a different approach, and I could see it going one of two ways. Either he needs someone to make everything about his relaxation and confidence, going super slow and not getting impatient with him... or he needs someone to make light of his lack of confidence and just laugh it off and work around it. To be frank, I am more inclined to be the latter.

Lastly, I want to share a potentially radical idea I've had about re-framing my horsemanship altogether. I am seriously considering the idea that maybe I don't want to keep Finn "forever." I wasn't committed one way or another when I acquired him... I thought I might sell him on in the future. More to the point, I am wondering whether I really want to keep any horse "forever." In some ways, since I lack the resources to have more than one at a time, feeling like this one has to be "the one" feels a little claustrophobic.

Obviously, I'm not going to move on any of this right away. Even if I decide to re-cast Finn as a resale project, I still have a few things I want him to know before I'd let him move on... ie, the basics of healthy biomechanics... and that'd be a few months in the doing at least. But, I am considering it. And I trust the path forward will become clearer as I, well, move forward. Because either way, the next thing that has to happen is I need to get back on good terms with my horse and my horsemanship.

I may discuss this in more detail in a later blog. It may appear out of the blue, but I assure you it is not. For me, there is definitely an appeal to the idea. A very real appeal. There is part of me that would very much like to buy and sell a few horses without the intention that any of them be my lifetime partner... and keep doing that until I find one I honestly and completely don't want to be without.

For now, though, I'm focusing on getting a reset on my relationship with Finn. Today was a reasonable start. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

500!

As of yesterday, I have logged 501.5 hours with Finn this year. We reached our goal of 500 hours in 2014! And with time to spare, I might add. I am grateful, though, to have done it before I start my seasonal position at UPS, since I am unsure how much time that will leave me to ride. We have had a busy, productive, hard-working year so far, and it is likely we're headed into a bit of a lighter winter.

I was super pleased I was able to "celebrate" reaching 500 hours on a stellar trail ride with S and a visiting friend of hers. We went to Clear Creek and went even further than last time; I think we did between 8 and 9 miles total. The Fall weather was glorious and, as usual, the mountains were beautiful.

"Termination dust" (snow) on the mountains.

Finn was absolutely super. He took a couple small spooks, but for the most part felt very grounded. I think his confidence was a little shaken by the experience at Montaña de Oro. When we turned around, he was a little over-forward for a while, but patiently insisting that he maintain the same distance behind slower-walking Rainey helped him settle down. He gradually started taking more and more responsibility for maintaining the space, even when it meant balancing himself better downhill to avoid falling into it. I was pleased. He also crossed a bridge twice, following Cody closely for confidence. I was VERY pleased. And we even had a chance to practice water crossing, thanks to a large puddle in the parking area!

Fun to ride with a group of three!

All in all, it was a lovely, relaxing, awesome ride. I felt very grateful for the horse underneath me, the time we've spent together this year, and all the tremendous experiences we've had. They've been fun, challenging, funny, scary, frustrating, relaxing and everything else imaginable, and we've been together through it all.

Customary ears photo.

I am, of course, contemplating my goals for next year already. I have a general idea of where I want to head... continuing with our study of Dressage, Naturally, for sure. Starting Finn over fences. Taking him to his first shows at some local dressage and/or H/J schooling shows. But I'm not quite sure what I want my specific goals to be. Whether I want to increase my hours, or trust that being employed all year will make getting 500 again challenging enough. I may set a goal next year for the number of rides I put on him... There are so many options, and I have quite a while to choose.

And here's my favorite pic from the ride; I'm so glad it occurred to me that this little turn in the trail would make a nice photo op! I adore Finn's expression here, even though one can barely make it out. I'm just glad to have a photo that captures my joy for me... my love for this challenging little horse and for the beauty of Northern Nevada. Things are looking up. :)

Two Videos are Better Than One

First up, when R was out at the farm with me yesterday, he took a few short videos of me riding Finn in the new saddle. I wanted to keep it simple, so I rode a large circle around him and he shot a lap or two of each gait. Here is the finished product:



R over-exposed so I'd be able to see detail around the saddle, since that was the main point of the project. Must say, I like how it looks on us!

I think this will also serve as a better "before" video for our study of Dressage, Naturally because I have figured a few things out since that last video that have really shifted some things. For one, Karen's presentation about the four different postures helped me gain clarity. In this video, I am committed to the "whatever" posture... ie - I'm letting Finn do as he pleases. I'm not asking him to hols himself in any particular way, and I'm not being super particular about his energy. I'm just rolling my bubble along and expecting him to stay in it.

One thing I do want to note is that this video definitely shows me I need to revise my feel for energy a bit. Finn is really moving well in this video... certainly not super active and inspiring, but he is a flowing mover with a long stride and a natural desire to stay balanced. While we will, over time, be more balanced and do higher energy things in balance, I think it is a bit unfair of me to pick at him incessantly over this neutral energy, as he is certainly not crawling.

I sort of wish we'd taken some video of our transitions, because our transitions have really gotten better since I started experimenting with "go is release" and being more deliberate about the "get ready" part of the transition. Far from perfect, but so, so much better!

Next up, I took the tarp out with me today and alternated playing with it and playing with the cavalletti. Finn ACED the cavalletti, by the way... even at the canter! He definitely showed me that he understood the objective of maintaining gait through the canter poles, and even adjusted his stride approaching the poles to meet them at a doable distance. Super horse!

Back to the video, though, this is just one of the things we did with the tarp today. I was super pleased with Finn's reaction. This is where we ended up, obviously; not where we started. Even when we started, though, he was very self-controlled. I kept tossing until he could refrain from moving his feet to sniff the tarp where it landed.

You can see in the video that a couple unexpected things happened, and Finn handled them like a pro. Go pony!



We also worked on crossing the tarp and had the interesting revelation that sometimes more is better. For example, crossing the tarp at a trot might be easier than crossing it at a walk. And getting a walk across the whole tarp laid flat might be easier than getting the walk when the tarp is folded in half. All in all, I'm happy I was able to keep an open mind and be flexible in search of what would help Finn accomplish what I was asking of him!

What's Up

I've been a somewhat neglectful blogger this last few weeks, I think. Especially because there's actually been quite a bit of "excitement" going on here, what with the arrival of the Thorowgood T8 Jump saddle I ordered from SmartPak. It arrived on Thursday and has been the main focus of my existence ever since.

Tell me that isn't a thing of beauty. Go ahead and try. It's a synthetic/leather hybrid, but I think it could easily pass for leather to anyone who doesn't look close. Don't you? It also feels lovely (especially the leather parts) and the workmanship appears excellent. For a $895 saddle, I am definitely impressed.

Beauty is as beauty does, of course, but half the beauty of this saddle is it sits on Finn's back like it belongs there. Oh thank heavens; I think I almost forgot a saddle could do that! While I'm still not 100% confident of the fit (will I ever be?), there is no doubt that it is the best of the saddles we've tried. I'm still unresolved on the finer points, but the basics are correct.

I had R come to the barn to take some photos and video of me sitting in the saddle so I could get a better perspective on how it fits me. I'm no expert, but I think it looks darn good. No doubt in my mind it feels stellar. When I tried the Barnsby on him a few weeks ago, or the Balance saddles a few months ago, it felt awful. I wondered if I was so used to riding treeless that anything else would feel weird. This, though, does not feel weird. It feels absolutely natural.

Holy cow, am I really gonna jump this horse one day!? Yes, my friends. The answer is yes. The jury is still out on how exactly this saddle deal is going to resolve itself, but I'm confident at this point the end result will be a Thorowgood in my possession. Huzzah!

In other news, I rejoined the Dressage, Naturally Classroom and have been catching up on the videos I missed since my membership lapsed. While there are MANY things I could share about the videos I've watched, my primary observation has been that the information in the classroom is presented in a more fluid way than the book. Watching some videos of Karen herself riding has made me realize I am probably being too much of a perfectionist and dwelling too long on the very basic basics.

This is a tough balance for me to find. Yes, I want to do things thoroughly, but being too much of a stickler can really be counter-productive. If I expect that Finn must come out every day with perfect responses about energy, relaxation and balance before we're allowed to move on, I'll really be holding us back. As long as we can have and improve the conversations through our rides, they'll continue to improve on a more fundamental level over time.

So, I'm resolving to be a little less of a stickler... to play and experiment more freely... and allow Finn to show me the shining, healthy, powerful pony he's always had inside!