Finn's Semi-Vacation

I feel bad I haven't posted in forever, but truth be told, nothing much is happening. I started my seasonal job at UPS last Monday (it's pretty much awesome, by the way) and riding is pretty much out on the weekdays until that wraps up right after Christmas.

Last week, I made it out to feed him his grain a couple times during the week. This week, I got out there Wednesday, and I expect I won't go again until Saturday. The plus side of this is it means I'm working a decent number of hours per day, and thus earning much needed cash. The OTHER plus side of this is it means Finn is super excited to see me when I do get down there! It helps that the bottom pasture is closed off... that always gets him more enthusiastic about my arrival.

I expect our rides on the weekends to be low pressure and fun. Mostly, we're just chilling. And thinking. I'm doing a lot of thinking. But the truth is, there's really nothing new to be thought. I know what I need to do with my horse and for myself. Now I just need to do it.

Except one thing: I am contemplating giving regular lessons a try. There's an instructor in the area I think I just might get along with. I am hesitant, but I could really use eyes on the ground sometimes. I could really use someone to hold me more accountable for my riding. So, I'm considering it.

And I'm really torn about the saddle situation. I didn't like the new Thorowgood T8, which means I'd really like to get my hands on one of the older ones before they're all sold. Since they won't be manufactured anymore, there is a very real possibility I won't be able to find one if I don't get one soon. My budget is looking kinda sketchy though, so I'm not sure I can justify it. I've put my Ansur up for sale in a few places hoping to help things along, but I'm not terribly optimistic.

So, that's pretty much it. Boring, I know.

Reset

It has definitely been too long (two weeks!) since my last update. One big and exciting thing happened, which is Finn and I had our first conversation about finding the sweet spot somewhat by mistake! Once I realized what I had done, we were able to recreate it a few times. This had definitely encouraged me to be a little less "rigid" as I continue through the D,N material. Sometimes I am way too good at holding myself back!

One bittersweet thing happened... I sent the Thorowgood Jump saddle I was trying back to SmartPak and ordered the new version from Hastilow. It may take up to 10 weeks for the new saddle to arrive. Although I was sad to pack the saddle up and send it away, I really want to give the updated version a try before making a final decision. I am hoping it feels even better than the one I had!

One fascinating thing happened... S was super curious about Finn and the tarp, so she came out and played with him and it for several hours one day last week. One thing is for certain: it is not just me! Of course, I was pretty sure it wasn't just me, but I suppose you never know. Finn definitely wasn't about to give up his reservations about the tarp just because someone else suggested it to him.

And then a few sucky things happened... while watching S play with Finn and the tarp, I kinda alternated between being disheartened and encouraged. While new ideas were discussed (and some of them tried right then and there) and I was afterwards re-inspired to pursue them, over the next few, really quite low-pressure days, Finn became progressively more spooky, more tense and less willing or eager to meet me in the pasture. I gave up on my whole idea of spending 7 days having the tarp around even when we weren't actively discussing it. And then I suppose I just used up my very last drops of patience because, even without the tarp factoring in, I couldn't even bring Finn over to my car for some grain in a relaxed and calm manner.

I drove home in tears wondering if I should just give up. Either on Finn, or on horsemanship as a whole. To be honest, I have not entirely dropped the thought of selling Finn yet. In my mind, there is a very real possibility there might be someone out there better suited to him. Maybe someone he would just "click" with and trust right off the bat. Stranger things have happened.

Regardless, I knew the next step would have to be a break until I recovered some patience and desire to interact with him. I skipped the barn entirely one day, then went down just to feed him the next. When he saw me, he galloped to the farthest corner of the field and I didn't have what it takes to go after him, so I just dumped his feed out and went home. The next day (today), I actually caught him up and fed him. So at least now we've put one new positive experience on top of the bad stuff.

Many thoughts, questions and emotions have come up over the last several days and I only want to share those I think are the most important. First, I feel it is apparent that Finn needs a different approach, and I could see it going one of two ways. Either he needs someone to make everything about his relaxation and confidence, going super slow and not getting impatient with him... or he needs someone to make light of his lack of confidence and just laugh it off and work around it. To be frank, I am more inclined to be the latter.

Lastly, I want to share a potentially radical idea I've had about re-framing my horsemanship altogether. I am seriously considering the idea that maybe I don't want to keep Finn "forever." I wasn't committed one way or another when I acquired him... I thought I might sell him on in the future. More to the point, I am wondering whether I really want to keep any horse "forever." In some ways, since I lack the resources to have more than one at a time, feeling like this one has to be "the one" feels a little claustrophobic.

Obviously, I'm not going to move on any of this right away. Even if I decide to re-cast Finn as a resale project, I still have a few things I want him to know before I'd let him move on... ie, the basics of healthy biomechanics... and that'd be a few months in the doing at least. But, I am considering it. And I trust the path forward will become clearer as I, well, move forward. Because either way, the next thing that has to happen is I need to get back on good terms with my horse and my horsemanship.

I may discuss this in more detail in a later blog. It may appear out of the blue, but I assure you it is not. For me, there is definitely an appeal to the idea. A very real appeal. There is part of me that would very much like to buy and sell a few horses without the intention that any of them be my lifetime partner... and keep doing that until I find one I honestly and completely don't want to be without.

For now, though, I'm focusing on getting a reset on my relationship with Finn. Today was a reasonable start. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

The Dark Side

I got back from braiding on Sunday afternoon and have ridden Finn three times since then. To be honest, all three were pretty terrible, and that has nothing whatsoever to do with Finn.

I don't know what got into me, but one day while I was down at Brookside I started second-guessing my horsemanship decisions AGAIN. Mostly I started wondering if Buck's approach is really better, and if I should just scrap my interest in Dressage, Naturally and the themes from Aimee Brimhall's theories I've been trying to incorporate. And then I came home and played with some of the "Buck exercises" and got really frustrated when I couldn't get it right. I was unfair, harsh and impatient with my horse. I didn't share any joy with him, or help him take pride in figuring things out. And I ended each ride feeling awful and pleading for forgiveness.

This flip-flopping is such a theme for me and I am really getting tired of it. But aside from this relapse, I guess I have been improving. My recent decision to focus primarily on Karen's approach is, in fact, aligned with my personal goals. And crucially, deciding to focus primarily on one approach does not mean I must abandon everything else. I recently listened to an old podcast on my iPhone about how to handle either-or decisions where neither option is truly what you want. The answer: elevate your thinking. Realize that there are always more options than the two you're dissatisfied with.

Deciding to focus primarily on Dressage, Naturally doesn't mean I can't also practice the basic exercises Buck teaches. I am definitely interested in being able to do those simple maneuvers with a high degree of quality, and in being able to feel the feet move under me and place them where I want. I am definitely interested in having a soft feel with my horse through the reins and being able to ask him for flexion without brace.

One of the BIG things I am interested in is having the ability to ride my horse to calmness... one thing I want to shed is the Parelli approach of getting off to handle things from the ground if the horse gets worked up. While I am not above getting off if things get really out of hand, I want to continually increase my ability to work through this stuff from the saddle. I want my leadership from the saddle to be at least as good as my leadership from the ground. And that is one of the big reasons I remain interested in what Buck has to offer, because that is an element I don't think Dressage, Naturally or Parelli or Aimee's approach incorporate so much. So I am hopeful that having operating on a feel and getting very good with the feet in these basic exercises will give me the ingredients for that particular goal.

Another declaration (and yes, these are more for me than anyone else): deciding to implement some of the themes from Aimee's approach (like seeking the "we" and focusing on intent) does not mean I have to abandon other things I am doing to advance my Liberty or On Line work. In my heart of hearts, I am happy to have nothing more than very basic communication at Liberty, provided our connection is strong. I don't need to be able to influence Finn with my energy from 500 feet away or further. I don't even need to be able to influence Finn with my energy from 100 feet away. It's just not relevant to my goals, at least so far as I see it now.

So the bottom line, I guess, is I can pick and choose. It's not like anyone has been telling me I can't, except for my own internal demons, I guess. Hopefully this little "rant" will help me approach Finn with a clean, peaceful mind tomorrow and get back on track after this week of frustration. Maybe I'll just write it off as the effects of Mercury being in retrograde like everyone's been talking about on Facebook!

And the even more bottom line: when I'm away braiding, I often look through the photos of my phone of Finn, R, Riley and Buddah. This last week, I was particularly moved by this old photo of Finn and I, taken when I visited him in Maryland some five months after moving to Nevada and leaving him behind:

This is what it's all about in the end, isn't it? Love is the beginning and the end, and hopefully everything in the middle, too. The rest is just icing.

Clear Creek Revisited

I was so pleased to be able to squeeze another trail ride in with S before I head off to braid again! I really wanted Finn and I to have a more positive experience than our last ride before we both take a break. So, after some deliberation, I chose Clear Creek, a trail we know well and that doesn't present too much challenge to our emotional fitness.

After all the wooded, more mountainous rides we've done lately, it was really nice to be back to winding through the sagebrush on a sandy trail:

We took advantage of the good footing and gradual, winding climb through the foothills to get in some long, steady trots and even a few nice canters. Finn did awesome, I was so pleased with his relaxation and rhythm in the trot, even though at times S and T were quite a ways ahead of us.

It was about 80 degrees and the horses are starting to put on their winter fuzz, so they got pretty sweaty during that part of the ride. There was, however, snow in sight... I love mountains:

See the snow caps on the distance mountains?

We went further than we've ever gone on this out-and-back trail, and wouldn't you know it... less than 100 yards from where we've stopped before, there was a bridge! Luckily, this bridge was at least three times as wide as the ones we struggled with at Brown's Creek, and it had safe, sandy "landings" on both sides. I thought at first it might not even be an issue, but Finn definitely informed me otherwise.

He would have been happy to rush across, but I wasn't having that. I got off to discuss going without rushing, asking him to step his front feet onto the bridge and stop, until he could semi-relax there. I did get on and ride across after that, and then we rode a little ways further before turning around.

Again, I thought the bridge wouldn't be such an issue since we had just had a prolonged discussion about it, but Finn said otherwise. Again, he would have been happy to rush across, but I wasn't having it. In the end, I didn't ride him across on our second go, just got a slight improvement on the ground and moved on. We had to be back to the barn to meet my trimmer at a certain time, so I didn't want to take up more time.

Clearly, we need to work on this at home. Finn absolutely has to learn to walk calmly and confidently across a bridge in order for it to be safe for him to do so. So, I'll have to talk to the barn owner about maybe keeping a large piece of plywood in the arena for a while. I'll need something I can easily lift and move by myself. At least it will give us a starting point.

Anyway, Finn was a little on adrenalin heading back towards home after the bridge... I'm not sure if it was the bridge or the change of direction that got him so fired up. He was by no means terrible, still maintaining a walk on a loose rein (a VERY forward walk, but still a walk)... but he wasn't really connected. He had a hard time standing still when we stopped. So, we kept stopping and standing until he could commit to stopping, then going on. For this part of the ride, I asked S to ride behind us so there wouldn't be yet another thing (T) drawing him forward.

He settled back down after a while and the rest of the ride was really lovely. S and I both played quite a bit with transitions, which resulted in us being quite far apart at times. Finn handles S & T disappearing behind us with absolutely no concern. When they disappear ahead of us, he starts to think a bit about looking for T, but again nothing too dramatic.

Anyway, all in all, it was a super ride! Exactly what I was hoping for, even if we didn't quite achieve what I'd have liked to with the bridge. When I come home, we'll get back to that!

Another view of the beautiful desert.

The best view there is. :)

Food for Thought

You know, our mishap at the bridge the other day has really driven one point home with me: it is up to me to decide how MY horsemanship should be, and equally up to me to own the implications of my decisions. Allow me to explain:

I recently watched a brief video tutorial about introducing OTTBs to jumping. The progression presented was clear, logical and fair, and produced the rider's desired results... which is great! That's success! Something the rider said stuck in my mind, though. To paraphrase, he said he just wants the horse to know that he wants to get to the other side.

That caught my attention because it speaks of a preservation of tension to me. The rider didn't say he wanted the horse to be confident in every way around the jump. He didn't say he wanted the horse to be tuned into communication about what to do with the jump. He said he wanted the horse to know he wants to get to the other side. If your primary goal is to have the horse jump anything you put in front of him, with main priority on getting it done no matter what, that is an excellent understanding for the horse to have. The other options? Useless.

BUT... if you prioritize relaxation over getting the job done.... if you prioritize versatility over 100% jumping... well, then you might want to consider teaching your horse a different understanding. Do you get my drift?

Consider: if you train a horse with the idea of "he just needs to want to get to the other side," how well do you think he'd handle the bridge situation Finn and I encountered? This is why, when English sport folks proclaim that such a bridge is dangerous, they are, in some way, right. Considering the way most English sport horses are trained, a narrow bridge would not be safe at all.

Let me be perfectly clear: I am NOT suggesting that the tutorial I am referring to was wrong in any way. I am just trying to discuss the fact that different desired results call for different training methods. Surely we can all agree on that.

Which leads me to my own personal question: what results do I want? Well, I do prioritize relaxation over getting the job done. I do want to be able to take my horse trail riding in Nevada and California and not have to worry about turning back anytime we come to a slightly narrow bridge. (Rope bridge over a canyon? We'll turn around, thanks.) So, I need to act accordingly.

Now, to bring this closer to home, the bridge episode (and the creek episode that followed) have a lot of links to the tarp crossing we've been working on for SO long. I started with the idea "the other side is the answer" ... which is basically the same as the above "I just want the horse to know he wants to get to the other side." Once that was pretty solid, I started expecting Finn to cross it with more deliberation and relaxation - basically, walk instead of leap. But, I have never gone so far as to MAKE him walk... if he wanted to leap, I let him, I just didn't reward him for it. Can you see how that failed to serve us when the "real world" (ie - the unexpected bridge) DEMANDED deliberation?

So, I am rethinking my approach to dealing with things Finn is unconfident about. I am so used to letting him have a certain share of the leadership when it comes to facing things he's scared of... because I allow him to tell me how far he can go. And while I'm not convinced that's a flawed approach, our last trail ride showed me that when I needed to lay down the law and have him obey in spite of his concern, he wasn't prepared to.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know how to "fix" this. It's not really a problem, so much as a very profound puzzle. How to you teach a horse to obey in spite of it's concern without making him feel forced or trapped by you? I suppose by keeping him there until he realizes there is nothing to be scared of. But when I think about the tarp, I know beyond a certain point I just can't hold Finn there when he decides he needs to leave... that's what I need to figure out.

I don't have an answer yet, but I am working on it.

Lackluster

You know, I didn't have the most super-est ride on Finn today, but there was a lot to be thankful for. First off, the air was clear! We could breathe! It was lovely.

Second, Finn seemed happy. He gave me a big whinny when he saw me coming, which always warms my heart. The lump on his nose is smaller than it was yesterday, so chances are good the porcupine encounter will have no ill-effects. We were far from perfect harmony, but we enjoyed each others' company and were both happy and healthy, and that's what really counts.

We rode with the flag for the first time ever, and Finn was stupendous. To be honest, I was ten times more nervous than he was. That was good for me to feel, because it is something I need to work on. We've made so much progress this year, but it is clear that there is still much we need to dig through together. Just think how much stronger we'll be, how much more I'll trust him, and how much more he'll trust me, when we've filled these subtle, easily hidden holes in our partnership.

I had an interesting play at Liberty with Finn to warm up, mostly because I didn't have a line longer than my 12' lead rope, which wasn't terribly well suited to what I wanted to do. What I wanted to do was focus on availability and freedom... so the confinement of the 12' line was a bit contradictory.

While some nice stuff occurred, I think the reason I feel a little blah about the whole session is because I was paying too much attention to the contrast between what I have now and what I would like to have between us. For whatever reason, that was weighing on me today. And I'm going to just be okay with that, since I know inspiration and motivation will return.

Last note... Finn is putting his winter fuzz on, and has developed some patches of white hairs along both sides of his spine about where the center of my saddle sits. This is somewhat discouraging, because it could WELL be an indication of a significant amount of pressure being put there when I ride. Since my saddle is treeless, this wouldn't exactly be a surprise.

Subtle, but definitely there.

What can I say, the treeless saddle has never really sat right with me... but I have used it anyway because Finn didn't seem to be complaining; nor did his posture seem to be deteriorating. After all, this is the horse that moved like an upside down giraffe before he'd ever worn a saddle. While he is not to a point where he is engaging and using himself exceptionally well, he mostly carries his neck at a relaxed level and feels loose, which seems appropriate for his level of training.

To be honest, I am on the fence about how exactly to move forward. There is part of me that wants to put my Ansur up for sale right away and never ride in it again, and there is a part of me that thinks, all things considered, will it really do any harm to keep riding him in it a little while longer? I have two Thorowgood test ride saddles on back order from SmartPak... hopefully they come soon, and hopefully we love them! As to whether or not I will ride in the Ansur in the meantime... probably so. But I will likely limit the amount of time I spend in the saddle.

I'm Back!! And the Porcupine Misadventure

Goodness it feels like it has been FOREVER! I think I squeezed in three rides in between my trips... nothing terribly eventful except for one unfortunate flashback to the olden days of Finn having a panic attack and me handling it not-so-well. That happened last Monday between my braiding trips, when I was thoroughly exhausted and really shouldn't have been in the saddle in the first place. Lesson learned.

I got back from braiding yesterday afternoon, super stoked about having the next two weeks to play with Finn without interruption. I am HOPING the smoke from the King Fire will not wreak havoc on my time, as it sure is unpleasant to be outside when the air quality is so poor. So far, though, the smoke has been intermittent, and usually not too bad in the morning.

Headed out to the barn this morning planning on a short, relaxing ride on Finn. It takes a couple days for me to really bounce back from working nights for two weeks, so I didn't want to push it too much. Plus, the smoke. But, my plans abruptly hit a road block when I found THIS:

I know the picture is not the clearest, but those are, in fact, porcupine quills sticking out of the front of Finn's nose, NOT newly evolved super whiskers. There were eleven of them, to be exact. Having never before had ANY experience whatsoever with porcupine encounters, I was a little freaked out at first. I consulted Google and tried to gather info from a couple friends, reluctant to spend money on an unnecessary vet call. In the end, though, I called the vet to be sure. He gave me the a-okay to remove them on my own and said it would be highly unlikely for complications to develop.

Now, I was feeling none-too-awesome about the idea of actually yanking these things out of Finn's nose, but once I got the first one out I realized it wasn't such a big deal. I tied Finn in the grooming area and was able to convince him to cooperate with a little effort. In between each quill, I let him have a few bites of grass. By the third quill, we had it pretty down pat... I would back him to the end of the rope, hold his nose against my shoulder with my left arm, and take hold of a quill with my right hand. Once I had a good grip, I would pull a little and Finn would yank it right out with a sharp toss of his head. Done deal.

After the removal of porcupine quills was complete, I let Finn have a nice graze along the driveway. And then, since it really seemed like such a non-event, I decided to have our little ride anyway.

I decided to stretch our comfort zone by riding in the opposite direction from the pasture... instead of up towards the barn, down towards the mailboxes and the road. I really expected this to be a bit of a challenge, and planned to do some approach and retreat, but Finn surprised me by being totally chill about the whole thing and we made it to the mailbox in no time:

Funnily enough, it makes me more nervous than Finn to be so close to the road. No doubt because I can imagine the dire consequences of being hit by a car, while he mostly seems to consider passing cars to be unworthy of his attention. I guess I'll need to do more approach and retreat! If I build up enough confidence, I could ride to Washoe Lake one day... what a feat that would be! For me, anyway.

Finn wasn't as soft or responsive as he might have been, but we worked on doing the little things with feel and I left it at that. It was hot and a little smoky, and I was pretty much spent, so I thanked Finn for being such a super horse and turned him back out.

There's a tiny bit of localized swelling around where the porcupine quills were, so I'll be keeping an eye on that. As long as it keeps going down and Finn doesn't seem bothered by that, I'll assume we're in the clear. Tomorrow, hopefully we'll have a decently clear morning to get a more serious ride in...

Student Skills

"We also need to realize that although 'practice makes perfect', it is the practicing itself that is the art. Not only do we use techniques to create something else, but also the way in which we apply technique is an art in itself. It is this artful application that will lead to harmony no matter what stage you are in and will make the journey a pleasure." (Dressage, Naturally 44)

Of course I brought Dressage, Naturally to Texas with me. I've reviewed the relaxation and energy exercises and moved on to reading about the balance exercises. The review of the first exercises was an excellent reminder that "study" doesn't mean "read once." After a few weeks of experimentation, reviewing the text revealed several new insights and questions and potential tweaks to my approach.

Being an independent student is hard mental work. It requires a greater degree of self-discipline and self-management than learning with frequent coaching. Happily, I'd say my skills in this area are stronger than average, because I've practiced more than average. I haven't taken regular lessons since I began studying Parelli in January 2003, so although it's still a fight sometimes, I'm usually at least conscious of what I need to do.

As I delve deeper into the D,N text, a few important reminders have surfaced in my mind. Mainly, reminders to let feelings of overwhelm, confusion, or skepticism roll off my back. Some of the things Karen Rohlf describes, even in the most basic exercises, can sounds pretty abstract and esoteric. For example:

"Whenever he is in this better balance, I leave him completely alone, allowing him to explore the new sensations for as long as he is thinking about it. [...] My reminder for him can be as small as a glance at a specific body part and, in the end, he seeks and explores this himself. His focus becomes internal in a positive way as he is thinking about his own body. He is calm, free and energetic." (D,N 66)

At times, the subtlety and intimacy of communication Karen describes, the mental engagement and willingness she expects from the horse, is confounding. My internal skeptic wells up now and again, whispering to me, "That's not possible. You'll never get it." It is then when I must step in quickly and interrupt the thought. I have seen Karen accomplish too much to truly believe she is off her rocker! I have made a choice to believe her and to dedicate my honest best efforts to the exploration of her teachings. So I cut off the skeptic and reinforce my optimism, encouraging myself with the thought that open-minded exploration of quality information (which I have in this book) will lead where I want to go.

Which leads me to my next reminder for myself: be an explorer. For most humans, myself included, it is hard to maintain an attitude of exploration, because there is too much feeling confused, frustrated or foolish involved. When we don't KNOW the answer, we EXPLORE... which means there may be quite a lot of back-tracking, missteps, and general fuzziness involved. This is definitely NOT a comfortable place to be, and it is easy to let frustration get out of hand and despair to set in.

So, I am committed to keeping positive and light-hearted. I know I must allow myself to not know... to experiment and try my best. I must remember to be kind to myself and even kinder to Finn, and that we are in this together. And if I can do those things, I am well on my way, even when I don't know what I'm doing.

Parting Ride

My last two rides before my trip to TX didn't really go according to plan, thanks to some unexpected drama at the barn... I swear, it is simply not possible to have a boarding barn sans drama. But, I did get to ride this evening and I did have a wonderful time with Finn, which is all that's really important anyway.

We took a relaxed saunter around the farm, sometimes checking the availability of a bigger walk, but often just letting him pick the pace as long as he was committed to the direction I had in mind. We stretched our comfort zone a bit... going further past the arena on the hill and further down the second driveway. We checked our yields at the points where we turned around, working on getting backwards, HQ, and FQ yields with lightness and without using the reins.

We trotted up the hills once, then decided to go for a canter. On the left lead up the first hill, Finn show-cased his rocking horse canter. I really wanted the right lead for the second hill, and it took two tries to get it, and then Finn wanted to roll into a hand-gallop and I gave him the OK. It was an absolute blast to ride... he RAN laser-straight past the arena and right over the crest of the hill which has marked our threshold for a couple of weeks. It was also nice to feel him so confident and enthusiastic about going somewhere fast... remember what I said about enthusiasm in my last post?

On the one hand, I am observing a pattern developing that features Finn's left lead as the slow direction and his right lead as the fast direction, so I feel a little bad that I played into this instead of working to counter-act it. But mostly I am just pleased. Pleased because Finn has always lacked a bit of confidence to just GO, so I love to encourage him when he gets such ideas in his head. (I certainly don't want to make him feel wrong for offering more forward.) Pleased because of the amazing harmony of two beings sharing one idea. Pleased because I was very appreciative of all Finn's efforts today. And finally, pleased because it was just plain FUN, running up that hill with Finn. I hope he enjoyed it, too; I have a feeling he did.

I lingered quite a while letting Finn graze after we finished our ride. Truth be known, I'll be back Sunday. I might even have time to visit Finn that afternoon. But I miss him anyway. I know this few weeks of being away will be over before I know it (leaving the 4-H trail trial right around the corner!), but it doesn't make me any more content about all the rides all be missing and all the days that will pass without seeing my good friend.

What does make me more content, however, is the knowledge that being away makes me appreciate being home even more. That makes it easier for me to consistently bestow appreciation upon Finn. So, all in all, it isn't such a bad thing. Maybe.

August in Review; September in the Crosshairs

All in all, I am so pleased by the results gained by setting some clear goals for the month of August. Regardless of what progress was made or not made, it was definitely motivating and clarifying for me to have something concrete to focus on, and that's such a great feeling! So, let's get to it and break down how things went:

1. Prioritize a consistently positive, patient, and kind attitude, always. This was no doubt my most enormous victory of the month... almost like saying I wanted it was all it took to make it so. While there has been some minor fluctuation, I have had great successes with this goal, even under pressure, and it made a HUGE difference in how my sessions with Finn went!
2. On the ground, "master" backing circles and a correct turn on the HQ. I'd easily say we have the HQ down, all that took was a little focus! The backing circles are still a bit tougher, likely because it is more of a physical challenge for Finn to reach evenly. But, we've been practicing a lot and I'm pleased with our efforts.
3. In the saddle, focus on feeling the feet through the HQ/FQ turn and improving the accuracy of the movement, and start teaching backing circles. Ironically, from the saddle I think we've made HUGE progress on backing circles and not so much on the HQ/FQ turn. I am confidently backing Finn half-circles already, and was quite surprised by how readily he picked that up. On the other hand, the HQ/FQ turn is still flummoxing me... We get some nice ones sometimes, but consistency is definitely not there. I think I need to re-watch Buck's Snaffle Bit DVD to get some new insights on that one.
4. Improve Finn's walk by increasing the energy of his default walk while encouraging him to offer more while I do less. You know from a previous post that this was proving a bit of a struggle, but also that there was a significant change on our last trail ride. I rode again yesterday and felt like he'd regressed a bit, but that could well be because he was tired and a bit sore from all the climbing the day before. I'd say we still have work to do here, but we have definitely made headway.
5. Experiment with clarity of transitions between and within the gaits. We have definitely made progress hear, especially with distinguishing a request for a bigger walk from a request for a trot. The clarity of our canter transition has improved as well, but it still takes a few tries before we really get together on it. So again, I'd say we still have work to do, but are definitely on our way.

Having thought all this through, it actually seems more discouraging to me now than it did... but I know that is in part because it is easier to focus on the negative. On the whole, we have definitely made headway. Finn was SUPERB on the trail on Friday. We had an EXCELLENT hill work hack in which he felt notably more relaxed. And we had an AWESOME ride in the ring the other day in which he felt super willing. Add that to the fact that we enjoyed the vast majority of our time together, and there's definitely plenty to be pleased about!

So, the question of the moment is: what's next? Well, you know about the thought I've been mulling over about a six-month commitment to focused study of the book Dressage, Naturally. What you don't know is I'll be out of town for a large chunk of September, thanks to a short family trip and then two weeks of braiding down in Sonoma. So there's that to keep in mind as I think about goals for the month.

I could put off starting my six-month commitment to the D,N book until October, but it doesn't really seem necessary. I may not have much time to ride in the next month, but I will have time to READ... and whatever time I do have can certainly be devoted to putting in some good practice with Finn.

Now, a question that lingers for me to some degree is what place do the exercises I learned from Buck have in my program if I am going to commit to the D,N program? I have been wondering about that, and have decided I definitely want to continue developing my feel for this stuff, especially at the walk. So I will continue to work on the HQ/FQ turn, the backing circles, the short and long serpentines, etc... all in an effort to continually improve my connection to Finn's feet.

Of course I will also want to keep developing Finn's skills over poles, and soon cavalletti as I intend to build myself a set before the end of the month. And, of course, I will continue incorporating my hill/road work into my weekly schedule, and my regular trail riding adventures. Haha! Can you see why I get overwhelmed sometimes? It just feels like there is SO MUCH to do.

So, with so much to do and so little time in the month of September, what will we focus on?

1. Enjoying whatever time I can squeeze in with Finn between my trips! I'll have two nights at home between each of my periods being away, and what's most important to me is that Finn and I enjoy each other in whatever time we end up getting to share.
2. Reading the exercise section of Dressage, Naturally to refresh my memory of the big picture and progression of the exercises.
3. Continue to practice the D,N exercises about energy and relaxation.
4. Riding Finn's feet through the basic exercises Buck showed us at the walk... serpentines, HQ/FQ, backing circles, half-circles... remembering to RIDE THE FEET!
5. Giving Finn a positive experience at the 4-H Trail Trial at the end of September.

I hadn't mentioned that last one yet, but there is indeed a 4-H Trail Trial at Washoe Lake on September 27th. I will have had about a week home to get back in sync with Finn before the trail trial, which I think is plenty of time. There is a schooling option, which I am tempted to take. Basically it would take the pressure off me to do all the obstacles, but still allow me to do whatever obstacles I think we will succeed at.

It will be an interesting challenge, that's for certain! Washoe has often been surprisingly challenging for Finn and I, although he was super relaxed there after spending the night at the end of July. Add onto that an unknown number of other horses and riders, and disco-themed obstacles set up by the 4-Hers, and I wouldn't be surprised if it gives Finn cause for concern.

Which is, of course, why I want to do it. I choose just about everything I do because of the experience it will offer Finn. While he has been all over the place trail riding so far this year, this will be his first "show" experience, with lots of other horses and riders milling about. Getting this under our belt now will just put us that much more ahead when it comes time to head to the H/J shows next year, or the events the year after that. For my event-horse-in-training, this trail trial will be an excellent educational opportunity!

Back to the immediate future, I have three more days to get rides in before I leave for TX on Thursday. One of those days will likely go to a ride with S, one to a ride in the arena and one to a road work/hill work hack. Subject to change, of course, as it may vary depending on what day S and I decide to go out.

On the Horizon

In my last post, I described the two approaches I've been playing with to free up Finn's walk. I knew when I wrote that the first was one I picked up from reading Karen Rohlf's book, Dressage, Naturally. What I'd forgotten was that the second is basically the very next exercise in Karen's book. Lacking some details, but very similar in essence. I proceeded to read through the next two exercises building the conversation about energy and thought to myself, "That's exactly what we need to be doing!"

Which reminded me of a question that frequently bugs me: why do I so often KNOW what I should or could do to improve things, and yet NOT do it? I'd been glancing at this book on my kitchen table for weeks thinking I probably ought to review for insights on my budding frustration... but I didn't. Until after I wrote my last post, which motivated me to take action. And THAT is why I'm falling in love with this blogging thing.

In my last two rides, I have played with these two exercises with a few tweaks based on the info in Karen's book and the results have been noticeably improved. Further evidence that I have known "all along" what would help, and chosen not to do it...

I rode Journey in a clinic with Karen Rohlf in September 2011 and to be perfectly honest my number 1 takeaway from the weekend was this: I NEED TO DO WHAT I KNOW. So many of the things we covered in the clinic were exercises I was aware of and simulations of things I've been blessed to have horses offer me already. I am not a complete novice when it comes to dressage, and I've owned Karen's book for years... so why was there SO MUCH un-applied knowledge in my head?

That clinic was three years ago, and I'm still stuck on this same thing. Which is actually not as bad as it sounds, since the intervening three years involved leaving Journey behind and starting a whole new journey with Finn. But what I'd really like to avoid, now that Finn's feeling pretty ready to play with this "dressage stuff," is continuing to get in my own way.

So I'm contemplating making a commitment of sorts... setting a goal, some people might call this... to really and truly STUDY and DO the exercises in Dressage, Naturally. This book is hands-down the clearest, most-thorough, best-written how-to book on dressage (or just horses in general) I've ever read. I've thought so since the very first time I read it. So it's time to stop letting this incredible resource just sit on a shelf and go to waste.

I'm still working out details in my head about how I'd want to arrange this commitment. I'll want it to be concrete and measurable, so I have a clear path to achieving success. I'll want to take regular video of our work so I can monitor progress, and have a neat before and after contrast. I don't mean for this to become the ONLY thing we do... we'll still go on our trail rides and work on our footwork exercises and develop our jumping and various other things, but this will be a priority... probably on the order of at least two rides per week in an arena focusing on progressing the exercises?

I don't want to commit to the whole book, because some of the exercises towards the end are quite advanced. While I certainly want to get there, I don't want to have to get there before I can claim a victory. So I'm thinking an initial commitment of working at this with focus for six months, seeing where that gets us, claiming victory, then setting another, better-informed commitment for the next six months.

My hesitation of the time frame is mostly that the next six months takes us right into Winter. With the facility I have access to, I am at the mercy of the weather... BUT the weather in Nevada is usually pretty merciful, so I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill there.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking. If I go ahead with this (I predict I will) it will definitely offer an interesting structure to the evolution of this blog. It should also move Finn and I significantly forward in the direction I've always had in mind for us, so it is definitely a win-all-around. I will be so eager to see how much progress we can make if I can truly be an excellent leader, using my focus to the very best of my abilities.

I have about another week before the start of a new month, a neat, orderly time to embark on a new commitment. So stay tuned for an "announcement" any day now...

Making Simple Things Complicated...

I am pleased with my progress on 3 out of 5 of my goals for August. The two laggards are goals number 4 and 5: increasing the energy of Finn's default walk and increasing clarity of transitions between vs. within gaits. The latter, I'm not too bothered by, because I feel like we've made a reasonable amount of progress for the amount of time we've invested. The former, on the other hand, is definitely on the verge of frustrating me.

I think it's actually accurate to say I have worked on increasing the energy of Finn's walk every single ride this month. While I wouldn't say there's been NO progress, I'm certainly not impressed with the improvement. When I put this much time into something and barely notice a change, I start to wonder if I need a different approach. I also ask myself, what could be obstructing progress in this area?

I have been essentially taking two similar approaches to this with Finn. The first has been to focus specifically on the initiation of a more energetic walk. So, I very deliberately and softly ask for a big walk (usually from the halt, but sometimes from a lower-energy walk) and reward Finn by letting him rest if I feel he matched my request 100%. If he doesn't match my request, I bump with my leg or give him a little spank to encourage him to synchronize with me. I usually quit or move onto something else when he offers to match my light request.

The second approach has been to focus more on Finn's willingness to maintain the higher energy walk. I bring my intent and energy to that of a big walk and when Finn doesn't match it I hustle him up with a bump of my leg or a light spank. Sometimes he breaks into a trot. Sometimes, if he feels totally stuck, I'll ask him up to a canter or gallop. Whenever I feel like he's really offering to match and maintain for several strides in a row, I reward him with a big pet and letting him stop and rest.

I have many doubts in my mind about why this might not be working, some more likely than others. First, there is still a part of me that wonders if foot sensitivity might be part of the "problem." I tell myself this is very likely wasted concern... Finn trots and canters soundly on the dirt/gravel drive with no indication of being foot sore. His heel first landings are consistent, although not so much at his preferred pace of walk. So therein lingers a possibility... If I had a pair of boots, I'd absolutely see if it made a difference, which would resolve the question. But, I don't. And nor do I have the money to buy some.

Next I wonder about my saddle. Is it possible that the treeless saddle is making it difficult for him to really swing through his back, thus his reluctance to maintain a free, forward gait? Certain people would jump right on that, but the truth is Finn's overall way of going has continued to steadily improve over the last two years of being ridden in the treeless saddle. When the Tekna I just bought gets here this week, perhaps I'll have a chance to see if there's any validity whatsoever to this concern.

Of course I wonder about myself... what could I be doing to obstruct Finn's free, forward movement? I will always remember the day I had a Feledenkrais instructor who specializes in helping equestrians do some bodywork on me. I immediately got on Journey when she finished and when I asked Journey to walk, she offered the most free, forward walk I'd ever felt on her. A certain indication that something stuck in my body was keeping her stuck! So I definitely do not discount the very real possibility that I am consciously asking Finn for something while unconsciously blocking him from doing what I'm asking.

Then I also ask myself: what should the neutral really feel like when asking for a fast walk? Certainly it shouldn't feel like I'm a sack of potatoes being dragged along for the ride. But when does an appropriate, active neutral become "pedaling?" That is, of course, what I want to avoid... having to push each stride to keep Finn from slowing down. This subtle distinction is one I'm still unsure about.

I wonder, am I simply asking for too much walk? Maybe I am not clear enough in my mind about what I'm aiming for, so I'm always asking for more and more. Is it really reasonable for Finn to be expected to walk as fast as possible at all times? Most likely I need a better handle on the distinction between an active, regular walk and walking FAST.

Many of my friends who study with Buck talk often about getting the horse to walk out so they swing the mecate, but speed is not the only ingredient in this. The swinging of the reins not only indicates a forward walk, but also a truly FREE walk, in which the whole top line is loose and flowing. Especially when I practice our walking on the road, this is often lacking because of tension... Finn's thoughts being directed at the things around us instead of being focused only on walking where we're going. So just adding more FAST isn't necessarily the way to get where I want to go...

While I wonder about the physical quirks in myself or in Finn that might be obstructing our progress, there remains the fact that Finn does not walk fast on his own. In the pasture, he ambles. If he want to cover more ground, he usually trots or canters. So there is definitely reason to feel this is more a motivation/understanding issue than a physical one. While I thought Finn was an extrovert when I bought him, he definitely doesn't have as much forward drive as I expected. Which is not a bad thing, it just is a thing about him that effects what we do together.

So the question remains... how can I draw a free, forward, willing walk out of this horse? Not only that, but how can I get there with harmony and understanding, using psychology instead of just more physical pressure? I didn't really expect the process of writing about this to yield any answers, but it has, in fact, yielded precisely what I was hoping for... a rekindled desire to get back in the saddle and experiment more.

August Goals

Somewhat to my dismay, I did NOT follow through on posting my August goals on Thursday, but I had my reasons. To be honest, I had a temporary emotional crisis of sorts. Thursday morning I had a ride which was really not at all bad, but I was feeling so discouraged and over-whelmed I ended up on the verge of tears and just called it quits.

Why? Well, it’s complicated, but what it boils down to, I think, is simply my lack of clarity as to WHAT I want and HOW I want to go about getting it. Like I’ve said before, all the conflicting input gets to me sometimes… I get why people want gurus; it’s easier! What a relief it would be to assign rightness to the opinions of one other human being and follow without question.

When I started developing Finn, I had a desire to take a “more practical” approach, to spend more time in the saddle and less playing on the ground, and to ultimately make it back to eventing one day. I wanted to do enough on the ground to have a genuine partnership, not to do groundwork for it’s own sake. The course of our partnership has most certainly been shaped by that.

As you know, however, I have recently been exploring more Liberty. In some ways it feels like retrograde movement, because the development of Liberty doesn’t seem very practical. But, it speaks to the part of me which is still yearning for a connection that goes deeper. The idea (or ideal) that with conscious development we can communicate with horses with our thoughts alone taunts me. How much lighter can it get, I wonder.

It’s not like these things are necessarily mutually exclusive, but problems arise when I allow myself to be influenced so strongly by any random thing I hear, see or read without maintaining MY focus on the big picture and the end game. When this dynamic results in a incoherent series of rides that go so far as to contradict each other, of course I get frustrated! How could I not?

So I spent a couple of days asking myself, what do I want? Do I REALLY want Liberty? Do I really want to dive so deeply into a whole different paradigm of interacting with horses, perhaps at the price of delaying my progress towards my goals for Finn’s career? How do I really want to move forward? I spent a couple of days leaning towards the “practical” side… and then I bought a book.

The book is called “Building a Life Together; You and Your Horse” and it was written by Magali Delgado and Frederic Pignon, who are world-famous for an approach most people wouldn’t consider very “practical.” I questioned my logic, but intuition pushed me to make the purchase. The quotes I have already read from the book are so aligned with some things I’ve been thinking, and the title SO exactly synched with a critical underlying theme of my relationship with Finn, reading the rest seemed an absolute necessity.

So what does this mean for me? At first I took the easy way out and jokingly declared, “I want it all.” But I don’t want it all, I just want a true friendship with Finn, to enjoy our time together, and to gradually accomplish our goals. Before writing this post, I reviewed the post I wrote in June about my vision… that depiction of where we’re headed still rings true.

While I don’t necessarily feel like this blog post depicts any great shift towards clarity, I do actually feel somewhat clearer on where I’m headed. Perhaps simply for knowing that I’m pursuing the Liberty and some new thought processes as a means to an end (the end being to have a more genuine friendship and more refined communication with Finn), not so much as an end unto itself… if that makes sense.

In any case, expect some additional reflection when my book arrives. It should be here by Wednesday. And in the meantime, I HAVE spent some time thinking about where to direct my focus for the month of August and this is what I’ve come up with:

1. Prioritize a consistently positive, patient, and kind attitude, always. No matter what happens. Recognize lapses early and be committed to interrupting the pattern.
2. On the ground, "master" backing circles and a correct turn on the HQ, ala Buck... which means pivoting on the outside hind so Finn learns to bear weight on his HQ.
3. In the saddle, focus on feeling the feet through the HQ/FQ turn and improving the accuracy of the movement, and start teaching backing circles.
4. Improve Finn's walk by increasing the energy of his default walk while encouraging him to offer more while I do less. Chase the feeling of him being truly and consistently "in front of the leg" at the walk.
5. Experiment with clarity of transitions between and within the gaits so we can distinguish between faster walk vs trot, or faster trot vs canter.

Initially I was going to keep it even simpler and limit myself to three goals, but I think this is a reasonable amount to focus on for the next 29 days. I am really hoping that keeping this handful of things in the forefront of my mind will really help me feel progressive and productive! Of course there will be other things that come up, and hopefully opportunities to take some of this stuff out on the trail. I’ll still get the poles out a day or two a week, and continue to experiment with some Liberty. But the main focus will be on these five things throughout it all, and hopefully at the beginning of September I’ll have some nice improvements to report!

Scattered

One of the interesting things I’ve observed about having this blog is it’s making me more conscious of the somewhat erratic progression of my thoughts and feelings about my progress with Finn. As I’ve been reflecting on our last two rides and contemplating a blog post, I wondered to myself, “Didn’t I write about this just a few weeks ago?” The answer was yes.

I took a skim through some of my recent blog posts and it wasn’t really a process of realizing so much as a process of confirming that my overall focus could really use work. One day I’m all gung-ho about how getting Finn to move from his hind end more freely will improve everything, a few days later I’m all over intent and circles, I have several nice rides focusing on taking Finn out and about, and two weeks later I’m frustrated because my horse is still not moving forward freely.

On another level, it’s not terribly helpful that I swerve from the high of a dreamy ride to the low of an iffy one so easily. An excellent leader would maintain much stronger emotional balance than that. A leader keeps their focus on the big picture and doesn’t get distracted by the natural fluctuations and bobbles along the way. To put it in more specific terms, when Finn and I struggle, as a leader it is my role to remain endlessly patient and kind with him, taking him wherever he is and moving him in the direction of our goals by always keeping my hold on the big picture. In reality, however, I let FAR too much emotion get tangled in our bad days. I get impatient, I lose faith, I feel overwhelmed, and I lose sight of what really matters.

On the one hand, I’ll acknowledge these things aren’t really the end of the world. Truth is, Finn is more forgiving of me than I am of myself… always ready for me to come back and give it another try. All in all, we continue to make progress, despite these lapses. On the other, this is definitely something I’d like to improve upon. As a horsewoman (not to mention as a person), this is not who I dream of being.

So how do I move forward? So far as I know, there really isn’t much I can do other than be conscious of what I want to change, and then be very disciplined about changing it. Emotional habits are hard to break. I’d like to think, however, that with genuine commitment, focus, and patience, it IS possible. Next time I feel myself getting sucked into being flustered with Finn, I just have to NOT be. Add that to the vast list of things that is so very, very simple, yet not at all easy.

Part of my problem is how over-whelming I’m finding it to try to bring so many things together into a unified plan for Finn and myself. There is SO much that I want to improve. From big things like my riding position, my feel for his feet, my emotional fitness, the strength of our connection, to smaller things like a better HQ/FQ yield, clearer transitions, softer feel in our lateral flexion, and more consistent bend on our circles. And then I have so much outside input of things I ought to be working on, or shouldn’t work on, or MUST do differently. I admit, I am struggling to keep this all orderly in my head, which is why our sessions feel so scattered! It makes it difficult for me to keep strong and focused, because my focus is so splintered.

Just a few posts ago, I wrote about making weekly plans to keep us on track, and nothing seemed to come of that. Right now, I’m adjusting that idea somewhat to try something I’ve seen other bloggers do… monthly goals. Conveniently, we’re about to begin a glorious new month. So, I think now is the time to think really hard about what would be most useful for Finn and I to focus on for the next 31 days (I suspect commitment to remaining patient and emotionally centered in all situations will be the top of my list), boil it down into a few clear goals that I can actually keep a handle on, and then follow through. So anticipate a post tomorrow detailing my decisions, and we’ll go forward from there.

Hunter/Jumper?

Prior to throwing myself headlong into braiding professionally earlier this year, I had limited experience with the hunter/jumper world. Back in “the day” I schooled my green event horse over a cross-rail course at a local hunter show once. We couldn’t stop chuckling over the “course” - outside line, outside line, outside line, outside line! It didn’t even change directions. That was quite comical to us eventers.

In college, the hunter/jumper orientation of the equine studies program was quite in-your-face. I competed on the dressage team, and there was no doubt we were the red-headed step-children of the program. To be elite meant to be a hunter princess, and to promptly discard any horse with the nerve to have an independent opinion or an off day. That made it quite difficult for me to admire this collection of supposed horsewoman who were the stars of the school.

In any case, I have proceeded through most of my life with little understanding and a mild disregard for the hunter/jumper discipline as a whole. Honestly, why waste your time when you could be eventing?

I once worked for a wise horseman who told 20-year-old me that age softens people and wears away the sharp edges. Eight years later (don’t laugh, I know I have plenty of aging left to do), I’ve already noticed that he might be onto something. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of sharp edges, but I am less quick to categorically reject an entire aspect of the equestrian world, and more apt to seek the positive in anything I possibly can.

In any case, when I get a chance to watch the showing at these big shows where I’m braiding, I keep an open mind. I consider different perspectives. I try on different “lenses” and strive to understand the one which suits me best without having to attack or hate the others.

Last week, I caught the jump-off of a junior jumper class over fairly sizable fences. Aside from watching a big Grand Prix here or there (along the lines of the premier class of the Washington International), this was actually my first time watching a jumper class in person, and I found it fascinating. First of all, I understood the appeal for the first time. I was able to grasp why it is engaging and fun to test one’s skill and communication against the clock and all those fragile fences. I actually found myself thinking, “I could see Finn and I doing that one day!”

A little higher than what I have in mind, but you never know...

The horses were, of course, gorgeous and talented jumpers one and all. The winning horse was exceptional in her ability to jump clear from seemingly any approach, tearing around the course looking horribly out of balance, yet still able to make tighter turns than anyone else and miraculously spring into the air at any moment. To be frank, I thought it was an ugly ride… I wish I had realized it would be the winning one before it started, because I would have watched with different and more attentive eyes. No one else was daring enough to even attempt the inside turns she took, so I never got to see if someone else could do it better.

At one point, a lens slid into place that momentarily made me consider the whole thing as somewhat barbaric that a horse should be expected to drag a human being around the course by his mouth like they do. At the same time I know these riders have very strong legs and balance, but truly the amount of pressure between hands and the horse’s mouth is truly quite astonishing when you haven’t become acclimated to it. To watch these riders at times lean back and HAUL on their horse’s mouths made me cringe, especially since in most cases the response from the horse was negligible. Since respecting and nurturing the natural sensitivity of the horse’s mouth is a crucial element of my approach to horsemanship, that was difficult to swallow.

I was surprised how heavy and loud the horses were… with POUNDING hoofbeats and labored breathing. (There was one notable exception; one horse who barely made a sound as she galloped by, and her round was beautiful.) It’s no wonder I didn’t see the tight inside turns made very often. On the whole, the horses were simply not adjustable or balanced enough to try it. Communication between horse and rider was a far cry from what would be needed to cut those corners successfully.

Now, who am I, some lowly little eventer who wasn’t even shown in ten years, some student of natural horsemanship on the trail of some level of possibility I catch glimpses of here and there, to judge? And I pose that question to myself honestly, to remind myself not to be too harsh. I can appreciate the skill of the riders I watched and the effort they invest into what they do. Frankly, though, while I’m interested in their sport, I am certainly not interested in doing it that way. If that means any competing I do becomes more a personal test between Finn and myself and we never win anything, all the better.

But I’m not here to declare I’m going to do it better. I am here to wonder: can it be done with lightness? The method of riding which keeps a rider off a horse’s back over the big jumps demands a different position and balance then that which I’ve learned to use in my pursuit of softness. I can see that it is challenging to ride a horse at those speeds over those jumps and keep everything truly relaxed and together, but I cannot yet concede that it’s impossible. I think of the lovely rides I’ve seen in the Working Equitation speed trials and wonder if it would be possible to bring that astounding level of agility and communication at speed to a jumper class…

In the end I have a lot of questions and a vision of the jumper course I’d like to ride one day. A course in which I can bring my horse from flat-out gallop to a bouncy canter in a stride -- with a shift of thought, a shift of weight, and maybe a whisper on the reins -- turn him over his hindquarters and gallop in a new direction without even stretching his lips. A course which is a string of transitions and graceful leaps, in which my horse breathes no harder than he would if he were frolicking in the pasture. A course which is ridden with no headgear but a simple snaffle and a loose noseband, never giving him a reason to throw his head or open his mouth. And in which, after charging through the finish line, he drops to a flat-footed walk on a loose rein and knows he has done superbly.

Of course, in the immediate future, my thoughts are less dreamy and ambitious. Eventing is scarce in northern Nevada, but there IS a local hunter/jumper circuit. While I’ll never NOT be an eventer, trying our hand at a new sport might be a fun diversion until I can afford mutli-day events that are long hauls away. I am inspired to declare that I think taking Finn to some of the local hunter/jumper shows would be fun and very doable next year! And who knows where that might lead…

Gratuitous braiding shot.

Staying on Track

Lately I’ve been thinking about making progress and wondering if I’m making good use of my time with Finn. On the one hand, my motto is no moment is wasted that is spent with my boy. On the other, there are things I’d like to do with him someday, and I’d rather it not take many unnecessary years for no better reason than I didn’t do enough to keep myself on track.

It’s just tough sometimes to balance the “lets get stuff done” against the “everything means something, nothing means nothing.” Last week, for example, I got caught up in some stuff at liberty and the idea of getting our transitions to movement freed up and coming from behind, and pretty much everything else has gone by the wayside, even though I spent almost 20 hours with him! On Saturday evening, I decided to mix things up by having some fun trotting and cantering over poles, which caused me to realize how LONG it has been since we’ve consistently cantered during our rides. Once again, I got caught up in all the little exercises I learned at the Buck clinic, and they’re wonderful, but they have kept me from just riding my horse forward. When you’re like me and have a heightened sense of quality and feel in EVERY moment, sometimes it feels like you never get past square one.

It is possible I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I know we’ve made progress in the last six months, quite a lot of progress. But when I’m taking input from so many sources and trying to sew it all together into a plan that works for Finn and I… well, sometimes I feel I’m getting too off track.

I’ve thought about the possibility of taking monthly lessons to help me focus my efforts, and I’m not entirely convinced that’d be a bad idea, but money doesn’t grow on trees around here. Beyond that, I’d need to find a REALLY exceptional instructor who is willing to work with me as more of a sounding board and coach than a traditional instructor. I have someone in mind who might be able to do it… but I’m a little nervous about trying it out. One big plus of this option though: I think my riding has gotten quite sloppy. Finn would probably appreciate it if someone held me more accountable on that front.

I’ve also considered setting more short-term goals and making more short-term plans for the time I have with Finn. I could set monthly or weekly goals… or goals for whatever chunk of time I have home between braiding bonanzas. I’m leaning towards weekly plans… similar to what I laid out a few weeks ago, since that worked quite well. That way there will be some flexibility, but also some structure that will hopefully keep me from just doing the same thing every day and getting too fixated on one small detail.

Well, I guess I’ll contemplate as I head down to see Finn and perhaps come up with a plan for this week. A plan that will include taking Finn out riding and camping overnight at Washoe Lake on Friday night! We’ll be going out with a group of six other riders, a new experience for Finn who has so far only gone with groups up to three! Luckily we’ll get to do it twice in a row, which is always a recipe for improvement, because I think it might blow Finn’s mind a little to have so much company.

Anyway, I’ll get back to you on the plan. It’s about time to start preparing to head to the barn.

An Odd Juxtaposition

So I’m away again, off to LA for vacation with R this time, but I used my one full day home to spend the afternoon with Finn. S picked me up and we headed over to Washoe Lake State Park for the late afternoon and evening, and it turned out to be an interesting experience which gave me lots to mull over on the long drive down to LA today.

We started our afternoon with some Liberty in the public arena at the park, and I was so super impressed with Finn. His connection to me was even a little better than the day before playing the Find Your Herd game, and we moved on to playing with some yields and thoughts about the Friendly Game. S generously shared some info she’s learned from Aimee Brimhall (one super talented horsewoman, especially at Liberty!) whose insights I’ve been hoping to incorporate into my Liberty going forward.

There were two things that REALLY impressed me. First, even when Finn got a little confused about the Friendly Game and thought he should leave when I meant for him to stay, his version of “leaving” was to go out on a circle about 40’ in diameter at a trot. So even through his confusion he was doing his darndest to maintain the connection and stay with “the herd.” The other was that even when S decided to take her mare back to the trailer and tie her, Finn stayed with me! I thought he might get worried about his buddy going out of sight, but he seemed perfectly okay with it.

All in all, this experience at Liberty on top of the one the day before and all the others I’ve ever had with Finn add up to this “conclusion”: this horse has SUCH a strong desire to connect and be part of the herd. I mean, honestly, it’s really an exceptional quality… something I’ve always known about him, but maybe haven’t fully appreciated before. The “double-edge” to this is probably that it also increases his draw to other horses, which can be a challenge, but I still see it as more of a gift than a problem.

After our Liberty session, we took a break in the shade and then headed out for a ride. This time, though, we decided to experiment with heading out separately, because our last few rides at Washoe Finn has wanted to leave the parking area like his tail is on fire and I was wondering if it might be because he was anxious about “the herd” leaving. So I left ahead of Sally. Finn was still wanting to book it out of there, so I decided to experiment and let him… no faster than a trot, but I let him trot as fast as he wanted.

And trot we did, for a LONG while. I had to repeatedly remind him that the canter was off limits, and he eventually settled into a HUGE trot. I would have gone further, but I was conscious of Riley following along behind in the 90-some degree heat and his furry black coat, so I eventually decided it was necessary to prioritize getting the dog to water over following through on what I was hoping to accomplish with Finn.

Anyway, to make a long story short, the rest of our ride wasn’t terrible, by any means, but I rarely felt like Finn and I were really connected. We passed some other horses on the beach, and as usual he got pretty fixated on that, even though we were trotting small circles and turns the whole time they were nearby. We stopped in a few places to practice our weightless trotting and other exercises, but the feeling of constant ‘druthers was nigh impossible to overcome. Everywhere we stopped to work, Finn was drawing towards where we’d come from, and trying to get him to feel really under me was not working out that well.

If I’d had more time, I’d have used it, but the sun was going down fast so I eventually just decided to appreciate a little improvement and head back to the trailer. I guess the bottom line is, it wasn’t a terrible ride, but it was still somewhat disappointing to me. Not that I’m disappointed in Finn, but just that I didn’t really feel like that ride moved us any closer to our ultimate goals.

Today, I’ve been reflecting on the juxtaposition of the two experiences on the same afternoon. How can I have a horse who has SO much desire to connect, and yet have SUCH a hard time keeping him connected under saddle? I guess it’s not really a huge mystery, because the connection I’m getting from him in the arena at Liberty isn’t really under much stress… yet.

So I’ve been thinking about how I might begin to carry more of that connection with us, and I’m not sure what the answer is. It’s harder for me, mentally and emotionally, to be a good leader from the saddle, and also harder for me to wrap my mind around what the idea of “find your herd” and being a “we” looks and feels like under saddle. It’s definitely harder to be unattached to the outcome when I’m sitting on his back!

I don’t know… I admit, I’m a little discouraged. Probably more than I have a right to be. Honestly, maybe it just wasn’t the smartest move to try to get rides in at Washoe these last two weeks on the ONE day I had home to ride. For whatever reason, Washoe seems to really challenge Finn. It seems like we always have trouble leaving the parking area!

S will be gone for most of July, so Finn and I will have several weeks to focus on working and riding out by ourselves, once I get back from the trip to LA. As I’ve got plenty of time for him between braiding jobs, I’ll definitely invest some serious time in our Liberty, and I might also think about riding him twice a day when I can. When working means being gone for two and three weeks at a time, I feel I’ve gotta pack as much progress as I can into the days I have at home!

Anyway, these are the thoughts I’ll be turning over in my head throughout my time here in LA. I’m really looking to this vacation, but also really looking forward to getting home and back to trying to sort some things out between Finn and I.

Thinking About Liberty

Way back in 2003 when I first started studying Parelli Natural Horsemanship, I wanted Liberty SO BADLY!! Watching Pat or his high level students play with horses at Liberty was like magic, show-casing the kind of connection with a horse I’d dreamed about before I reshaped my dreams to match the world I was living in. And so, as a novice Parelli student like so many novice Parelli students before and after me, I “needed” Liberty so much that I could hardly have repelled my horse more!

It took a little over four years of tough lessons before my Liberty started to take shape, and by 2009 Journey and I were really starting to get it together:



While this video shows us playing in an arena, we also practiced our Liberty in wide open fields… in fact, we had some of our best Liberty in the “back 40.” Still, what I like about this video is A) It’s all Liberty and B) Although we sometimes miscommunicate, never once in this session does she have any inkling to disconnect from me… not a chance. It’s not the world’s best Liberty, but I don’t think it’s too much to say it’s something pretty special Journey and I shared.

So… to bring things back to the present, I have had Finn about 3.5 years now and have made no deliberate effort to develop his Liberty. Recently I’ve been thinking about that. Asking myself why, and whether it’s something I’d like to change.

It’s not that I ever chose NOT to want Liberty anymore, but two factors contribute to my current lack of investment in it. First, I did at some point make the conscious decision that I REALLY wanted to improve my skills in the saddle. I had SO much fun and learned TONS with Journey on the ground, but upon reflection when I was moving forward with developing another horse, I realized I wanted to be as good and as confident on his back… and with time being a limited resource such as it is, I decided that when it comes down to it, I wanted to invest more effort in the saddle. Second, having “gotten it” with Journey, I just didn’t have such a desperate desire for it. Having since observed both poor Liberty and excellent work on a line, I had a new understanding for the fact that quality and connection don’t hinge on the presence or absence of the rope as much as one might think they do. Beginning Finn’s education with that perspective, I just figured his Liberty would be there when it was ready, presuming I developed him on a line with quality. And it has been.

Although I haven’t “developed” him at Liberty, I have taken the line off and seen what I have every now and again. This handful of brief Liberty sessions scattered throughout the years have all been successful, in the sense that I’ve never “lost” him at Liberty. (Actually, I did once. Totally dumb thing I did there.) I’ve also never really asked a whole lot of him, but I’ve asked more than most people would think to.

I’ve thought from the beginning that Finn would make a great Liberty horse. He has a natural desire to connect that sets him up for success, and an athletic flair to his movement that adds a little something to the effect. And though I haven’t made an effort to bring these things out, I HAVE made an effort not to diminish them. From the very beginning with him, I have prioritized that desire to connect over everything else when developing him on the ground. That’s a maturity of horsemanship I did NOT have when I started with Journey!

Anyway… lately I’ve been feeling like it might be time to put a little more conscious effort in on our Liberty. Why? Well, I miss it. On some level, I’ve always expected that having a connection with my horses at Liberty would be part of my horsemanship from now on. To be honest, if you’re handling a horse with genuine feel on a rope, you have some Liberty whether you choose to use it or not. Additionally, the mental challenge of Liberty is engaging to me, and I’d like to get back into it. Further, I wonder if there isn’t something really meaningful to be found for Finn and I in developing this aspect of our relationship… mostly something that might help him embrace that I am always and will always be his herd, no matter what else might be going on around us. This speaks to the partnership part of my overall vision. I believe Liberty will help us shape that us the way I’ve been dreaming of. And lastly, a friend of mine shared some notes about a Liberty exercise to play with, and it just sounded like fun, so I went out and did it!

The exercise is called “Find Your Herd” and addresses the most basic quality of Liberty… the horses desire to be with you. I’m not going to describe it in detail here -- at least not right now -- but I tried it with Finn last night at the barn and found his connection was already pretty strong. (I wasn’t surprised by this, but I did try not to expect it TOO much, in case I found it wasn’t as there as I thought it would be.) What I’d love to do is challenge it in a slightly more difficult environment, and I anticipate doing that this afternoon, as S and I are planning to play with it over in the arena at Washoe Lake.

I doubt we’ll do THIS today, but I’ve even been thinking about possibly playing it one day over at Washoe while S rides away on her horse. If my connection with Finn was strong enough to persist at Liberty, even while one of his best buddies rode off into the distance… well, I think that would mean BIG STUFF for our relationship as a whole.

So, here’s to the beginning of a new aspect of my relationship with Finn. I can’t wait to see where it leads.

Paying the Bills...

It has been two weeks and two days since my last post, which seems like FOREVER, and at the same time, how can it only have been 16 days? There is a reason for this... I have been away braiding almost continuously since that last post. 12 nights of braiding total and two far too brief two-night visits home in between. I actually have gotten one ride in on Finn each of those trips home, but I'm still having withdrawal symptoms!

Tonight is the last night, though, and our next show is in about four weeks, so I'll be making up for the time I missed! Except for the part where R and I are going on a impromptu road trip vacation next week... but after that!

You know, I thought I'd blog more while I was gone, about some of the more abstract thoughts I've been pondering about my horsemanship, but it is harder than I thought to get any motivation to do much of anything when you're working through the nights... Maybe next time.

Ready, Set, Jump!

Foundation before specialization is a fundamental tenet of my approach to horsemanship. My intended specialization for Finn is eventing, but a person might not guess that by observing our day-to-day work. The process doesn’t look like the product, but it results in a product that tastes all the sweeter.

That said, Finn’s progress in the last couple of months has caused me to reconsider my long-term schedule for his development. While I certainly don’t want to push him too fast, there’s no benefit in holding back for no reason other than he was prepared before I was. It is a horsewoman’s challenge to set goals, but let the horse dictate the timeline. Although that often means slowing down when I’m impatient, it can also mean keeping up when Finn is improving full speed ahead.

In particular, I’ve begun thinking in concrete terms about teaching Finn to jump. Until now, jumping Finn has been out there in the ether… it’s something I always planned to do, but assumed it would be so long before we were ready that I might as well not think about it. That’s no longer an accurate picture of where we are or where we’re going, and so I feel it’s time to take hold of this fuzzy dream and turn it into a plan.

Finn will be far from the first horse I’ve taught to jump, although it has been a while. I’ve taught horses that were quite talented, horses that were rushers, and horses who destroyed whole grids without batting an eye. Once, I taught a horse that was quite talented, but very nervous and easily over-faced. Knowing Finn as I do, I expect that’s the experience I’ll draw on most. I believe Finn will be an excellent jumper, but I’ll have to patiently and deliberately develop his confidence in order for him to shine.

That’s why I think the time to begin is now. I’m still working at getting Finn centered and straight, following my focus on a loose rein, but he’s centered and straight enough that I don’t think adding ground poles into the equation would be detrimental to the process. In fact, I think it might help. And there is definitely no such thing as too much practice at ground poles for this horse.

With the nervous jumper I trained before, my then trainer recommended a different progression than what I’d been used to. Whereas we had usually started our green jumpers with lots of grid work, the nervous mare was mind-blown by that challenge. So, we changed gears and gave her lots of experience jumping tiny to very small single fences. I competed her in four Elementary level horse trials, jumping courses of 18” fences, before we finally returned to her grid work in the Fall. This plan allowed her to blossom into a confident jumper, and I expect my approach with Finn will be similar.

So, over the next several weeks, I plan to incorporate poles into our rides a couple times a week. We’ll start out very simple, and gradually increase the challenge as Finn tells me he’s ready. I’m in no hurry, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m actually jumping this horse before I know it.

Another thing I plan to do is give Finn opportunities to practice cavalletti and small jumps on line or at liberty. While my focus has shifted away from working on the ground so much, I believe there’s great value in allowing a horse to develop his agility and skill over fences without a rider on his back. Although I will still take this only as fast as Finn tells me he can handle, I certainly expect he’ll see complex questions here long before I feel we’re ready to try them from the saddle.

There are also a few elements outside of Finn’s confidence that will also shape our progress. First, my own skill. I haven’t jumped seriously in over a decade, and I’ve gotten very out of the habit of using my leg as my base of support. Considering Finn’s sensitivity, I owe him more than what I can currently offer. Until I feel I’m secure enough to do him justice, even when he falters, I will stick to ground poles and cavalletti.

My Ansur dressage saddle is also a limiting factor. I’ll happily take on the tiny stuff in it, but for a couple reasons I’ll definitely want something more appropriate before we go too much beyond that. For the last year or so, I’ve been dying for a nice western saddle to take out on the trail. Finn’s recent progress, though, has made me realize a jumping saddle needs to be my next acquisition. Conveniently, it will no doubt be less expensive than the western options I’ve been eying!

Lastly, there is the dearth of jumps I have access to. Where I board, we have four ground poles. As tight as my budget is, buying my own toys is not an immediate option. While I will have an eye out for affordable alternatives to regular standards, I will also be very conscious of keeping things safe and secure. With a horse who’s confidence is as tenuous as Finn’s, at least at the beginning I want to stay away from anything so lightweight that a tiny nick can send it flying. Besides, Finn has already shown me he takes more easily to natural looking obstacles -- a log versus a row of plastic barrels, for example. Naturally, I’d like to begin with what comes easy to him, so I’ll be avoiding some of the cheap options I’ve seen employed elsewhere.

Speaking of my tight budget… I would love to take lessons to help Finn and I through this process, and I likely will at some point when my finances are a little more feasible and I find an instructor I trust. Stay tuned for that. For now, I’ll do what I can on my own.

I really look forward to documenting and sharing this process. It’s an exciting development in my adventure with Finn, and will add some pleasant variety to our current routine. So here’s to my little buddy, who’d suddenly feeling very grown up and ready for the future to be here now.